·Just before Covid, I attended a talk at the Mechanics Institute, Nottingham, along with members of the Nottingham Writers’ Group, and the Brinsley and Eastwood Group. Addressed by Mr Darren Hardy, Top Head Manager God of Kindle Marketing in the UK. (Apologies if I missed something out of his title.) It was a cold, wet, foggy night, and ne’er a creature stirred – you know the sort of thing.
· He was inspiring. Full of explanations, assurances and enthusiasm. We chatted at the mid-break. and again afterwards. I was persuaded to believe in the support from KDP through the technical and formatting nightmare leading up to publication. My fears of floundering alone were assuaged by his silken words. I liked him. Believed in what he said. I was the original disciple.
· My first Sci-Fi Book, “Of Other Times and Spaces” was out within about four months – having circumnavigated the nightmare maze of constructing a book for publication via KDP, and sales via Amazon.
· Diligently, I plied my new trade. Discovered what Facebook and Twitter are, and LinkedIn… Instagram... Pinterest; the list goes on.
· I set about encouraging customers to write reviews on the Amazon pedestal.
They mounted up – 5* views. Wonderful!
· Alas, ’twas not to last. An un-named cur gave me a series of 2-star marks. Nary a word of explanation, or name, or address. Certainly never bought a copy. When I informed Great God KDP Customer Support, they told “That’s alright. We encourage a divergent mix of views from customers.”
"It's not a customer." I said. "How can you print a review with no words, and never a name or hint of ID hint?”
. 'Customers are entitled to their views,' KDP say.
This went round in circles, and basically, if you want to go on some writer's book reviews, you can give them unlimited low-star ratings without buying anything, or saying who you are,
· Darren Hardy’s promises are tarnishing now, I think.
· One time, some evil denizen of the swamp peered at his 2-inch mobile phone scree and imagined the radial pattern on the cover made the book look wet and creased. So he gave it a 2-star review and called himself teddybears picnic. So he's protected in his stupid lies and inventions by KDP, who printed the book and say it's impossible, but people are entitled to invent rubbish. Clearly, anyone writing anything on the review page is regarded as a god who can do no wrong.
So there is no mechanism of complaint about rival writers, or simply people who feel vexatious.
KDP Customer Support gives every appearance of having a strange system on their computer terminals. It works like this.
Instructions in case of Complaint
1. Do not read it.
2. Press A – “We completely understand your problem. Follow this link to another place.”
3. Shrug. Return to chatter and cups of tea.
4. If complainant replies that the link goes nowhere (obviously), press one button on Row two, labelled Fob Off. Never mind that they don't do anything except link with each other..
In three and a half weeks, I’ve jousted in this manner through more than twenty emails, links and begging letters. Alas, Christmas will be a suffering time, all for the bile of some loathsome worm. (That’s laid on a bit thick so he’ll feel guilty if he reads it.)
So. Sorry, Darren. I liked you then, and believed every word you said. But reality doesn’t bear you out.
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